Love Me When My Fur Turns Gray
by DanceGrl9690
Summary: CATS Fanfic! When Tugger breaks up with Bombalurina for the umpteenth time, she starts to wonder whether they really were meant to be.


DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything you recognize.  
  
Love Me When My Fur Turns Gray  
  
Bombalurina blinked her eyes open. Her surroundings were a blur for a moment, then they focused. Where am I? she thought. She stood up and looked around. She seemed to be in some deserted part of the Junkyard. Then it all came back. Last night, she and Rum Tum Tugger broke up. Bombalurina had been sitting in a murky alley, feeling despondent, when some gray tabby had picked her up. Bombalurina stood up and stretched. Where was the tom? He must have left. After all, they hadn't even exchanged names. It was nothing serious.  
Bombalurina didn't know whether to feel relieved or saddened. Tugger had dumped her again. He'd suddenly gotten interested in Cassandra and Bombalurina was no longer needed. She was no longer tied down to one tom.but.  
Then it hit her-why should she feel sad? For as long as she could remember she and Tugger had been her on-again-off-again tomfriend. They'd go out for a few months, only to break up once one of them got restless for something new. Bombalurina would bounce around from tom to tom until she found herself back with Tugger.  
It was always like that, for as long as both of them could remember.  
But why did it feel so heartbreaking this time? Maybe it was because Bombalurina finally felt like she was ready to settle down, to stop playing games, to start a family.  
She just wished that Tugger could be like that, too.  
It was no use, wishing like that. Life is only what you make it to be- Bombalurina had figured that out a long time ago. The fact was: she wasn't with Tugger right now. While she was single, she may as well enjoy it.  
For all she knew, it could be the last time.  
But it probably wouldn't be.  
Bombalurina looked around as she gathered all of her things into her cloth bag, memories and trinkets that she couldn't bear to get rid of with each move. The sun was shining. If she listened closely, she could hear the kittens playing in the distance. She knew the way home very well. She walked slowly, fully enjoying the peaceful fifth-day-of-Spring air wafting through her nose.  
As she approached the Tire, she realized something. She didn't really have a home. When they were together, she lived with Tugger. When they weren't, she managed to find someplace else to stay.  
Usually, Bombalurina stayed with Demeter, Munkustrap, and their kittens, Jemima and Tumblebrutus. She sighed heavily and started towards her sister's den, a washing machine.  
Demeter and her family were sitting outside. When they saw Bombalurina, Demeter stood up, the kittens in tow, and hugged Bombalurina.  
"What brings you here?" asked Demeter, even though she knew.  
"Tugger and I broke up," replied Bombalurina routinely.  
"Oh," sighed Demeter, "that's too bad."  
"Yeah, well, maybe it's for the best. Maybe we just weren't meant to be." Honestly, Bombalurina didn't know why they went through the same routine each time. It was clear that Bombalurina loved Tugger and that she'd crawl back to him with the snap of a finger.  
"You're welcome to stay with us," added Munkustrap, even though he really didn't approve of Bombalurina's lifestyle at all.  
"Thanks." Bombalurina threw her bag to the ground and sprawled on her back, her face pointing to the sky.  
Munkustrap stood up and helped Demeter to her feet. "We were just on our way out. You'll watch the kittens?"  
Bombalurina nodded listlessly.  
"Okay, then."  
She watched as they ran off, paw in paw. They looked so happy together. Bombalurina longed for someone who would love her, even when her fur turned gray and scraggly and she wasn't beautiful at all. Or maybe she'd never find that someone. Maybe she'd be just like her ugly mother, Grizabella. Maybe that was her destiny.  
Jemima and Tumblebrutus plopped down on either side of Bombalurina.  
"Did you and Tugger split again?" asked Tumblebrutus.  
Bombalurina winced and nodded.  
"Again?" cried Jemima playfully.  
Bombalurina bit her lip to keep from crying out. These little monsters, they were kittens. What did they know?  
After a few moments of silence, Mistofelees and Electra appeared in front of the trio. "Hi, Jemima," Mistofelees said shyly.  
Jemima joyously said to Bombalurina, "Misto and I are a couple now, Aunt Bomb! Isn't that great?"  
Bombalurina nodded and smiled half-heartedly.  
"And." Tumblebrutus began, a little more sensitive than his sister, "Electra and I are.too."  
"You all have fun," Bombalurina cried, trying to sound happy.  
The two couples raced off. Once they thought they were out of earshot, Jemima said, "I feel so bad for Bombalurina. Does she know what everyone says about her?"  
"I don't think so," began Electra, "but personally.well, I think she's a bit of a slut."  
"That's an understatement." Mistofelees shrugged, "She's a huge slut- a disgrace to the entire Tribe. Can you believe it?"  
Tumblebrutus murmured something Bombalurina couldn't hear, but she had heard enough. So that was what all of the kittens-all of everyone- thought of her. She was nothing more than a slut.  
Bombalurina stood up angrily, the immature side of her wanting to run off and kill the kittens.but the rational side of her trying to calm down. The rational side won. She sat back down and took a few deep breaths.  
Something had to change. She couldn't keep doing this. Only, how would she ever stop? When she was with Tugger it was like she was in a euphoria. She was ecstatic whenever he complimented her, dejected when he ignored her.  
But why then did she chase after him? Why did she depend on him?  
  
Bombalurina needed a place to think. The sun had long since set. Mosquitoes had stopped buzzing around her annoyingly. She was all alone, hidden in the shade of a grove of high oak trees. She pressed her back to the muddy forest-like floor. Something was missing.  
Oh, yeah. Tugger.  
Bombalurina was all alone. It was late. She really needed to be going back to Demeter's den. How could she be so horrible as to make her sister worry like that? What would they conclude when she wasn't home?  
Munkustrap would be angry. Demeter would be a wreck, constantly proposing, "What if someone hurt her.or worse.?"  
She sighed and got to her feet. Her fur was mussed. When everyone saw her, they would probably jump to conclusions. Bombalurina shrugged it off. She couldn't worry about everyone else.  
  
By the time Bombalurina arrived at the washing machine, it was pitch- dark and probably close to midnight. Demeter and Munkustrap were sitting outside of their den, talking. The kittens were already asleep.  
"Well, I'm glad you're finally home." Munkustrap smirked.  
"Bombalurina, where were you?" Demeter asked, worriedly.  
"I-"  
She didn't have time to finish. Munkustrap cut her off, "Look, if you're going to sleep around that's your dumb decision, but please don't involve us. What kind of example are setting for Jemima? She adores you. I don't want her to end up like you, sleeping around with faceless toms you don't even know-having your heart broken all the time. What kind of life is that?"  
Bombalurina felt a sudden surge of anger. "Who says that I was sleeping around?" she spat, "Why would you automatically assume that? What's so wrong with me?"  
"Bombalurina," Demeter said firmly, "no one is assuming anything. The fact is, we have to learn from the past. And based on the past, we have every right to assume that that's what you were doing."  
"No," Bombalurina shook her head, "you don't."  
With that she turned on her heel and began running. Demeter called after her, but she just kept running. She didn't know where she was going. She had no place to go. Maybe she would just die. Things would be good if she died-everyone would be happy.  
  
Bombalurina didn't know how long she ran. It felt like miles. She didn't even know if she was still in the Junkyard. She could hardly see a thing, her tears blurred her vision.  
She fell to the ground and kept sobbing, wiping her nose periodically with her paw. Everything was coming too fast. First Tugger, then Demeter, then Munkustrap, all those nasty comments about her.  
Bombalurina shut her eyes, trying to rid herself of everything. Sometimes-sometimes-if she pretended really, really hard she could dream all of the crappy things about her life away. Tonight, though she dreamed she was a princess riding into the sunset on a white horse behind her Prince Charming, she couldn't forget about everything.  
Because every time Prince Charming turned around, he had Tugger's face.  
  
Bombalurina must have laid there sobbing for hours. She sobbed herself to sleep. When she woke up she was disoriented and her eyes were almost swollen shut. After a few minutes of wandering aimlessly, she found a small puddle to wash in.  
Bombalurina was grateful that she had brought her bag with her because she had a few rags stored in it.  
She dipped one of the rags in the water and let it soak for a while before pressing it to her swollen eyelids. It was a solution she had discovered ages ago, the second or third time Tugger had dumped her. Back when she used to care.  
After about an hour of dabbing at her eyes, the swelling when down and she could see a lot better. She wrung out the rags and then stood up to look around. She had no idea where she could go. After making such a fool of herself in front of Demeter and Munkustrap, how could she return there?  
But where else was there?  
Bombalurina began walking. She wasn't heading towards Demeter's den, or towards anywhere for that matter. She actually calmed down a bit and started to think rationally. Judging by the darkness, it was night. And, judging by the buildings, she had left the boundaries of the Junkyard and was walking through the city.  
After a while, Bombalurina was able to laugh at her performance in the past few days. She'd been dumped by Tugger, slept with an Unknown Tom, crashed at Demeter's, she'd been called a slut by three kittens, accused of sleeping around and for the first time she hadn't been, and she'd run away from Demeter.  
How could she have been so.so.so. Ruthless was the nice way to put it. Maybe she could even blame it on a bad mood. But, honestly, she'd been a huge bitch to everyone.  
Bombalurina was nearing the entrance of the Junkyard. She wasn't sure she wanted to go back. She could run away just like Grizabella had done. She could go in and act like even more of a bitch. Or she could hang around outside for a while and get up her courage to face everyone.  
"Hey, Bomba."  
Bombalurina turned around. Plato was standing there, wearing a toothy grin.  
"Hi, Plato," said Bombalurina. She didn't really want to talk to him. They'd been good friends as kittens. She knew she would pour her heart out to him, then end up crying.  
"Wanna take a walk?" asked Plato.  
Despite her angry, bitter feelings, she said, "Yeah. I'd like that."  
So, she did pour her heart out to him. And she did end up crying. But for some reason, that was okay. He seemed to understand. No one had really understood her before. She was just dumb, slutty Bombalurina. And she hated herself. But maybe Plato could help her, because there was something different about him. Something that just seemed right.  
  
"Bombalurina.I understand how you feel," said Plato. The two of them were sitting in the same grove that Bombalurina had come to cry the day before. It was almost noon. They'd been talking all night.  
"Really?" sniffed Bombalurina, brushing a stray tear from her cheek.  
"Yeah. Really." Plato hugged her. "You know, I know that you don't like me at all.but I promise you, we'd be good together.and I'd treat you better than Tugger."  
"Oh, Plato."  
"Just think about it, will you? Please?" Plato whispered.  
Bombalurina sighed, "Okay. I'll think about it. We'd better get going. I've got a lot of apologies. Thanks for everything, Plato."  
She stood up and started to Demeter's den. She had to make amends with everyone. And she had to change. She couldn't crawl back to Tugger.  
  
Bombalurina was almost to the washing machine when Tugger intercepted her. "Hi, Bomba. Can we talk?" he asked.  
Her brain told her not to. Her brain told her to run the other way with all her might.but her heart was telling her to run away with him, to forgive him. Her heart won. "Yeah, let's talk."  
"I'm sorry, Bomb," he began, "I don't know why I broke up with you. I really didn't want to."  
"Tugger, how do I know that's true? You've broke up with me so many times, I.  
  
I just don't know anymore." Bombalurina looked down at her paws. Did she just say that? Was she making a huge mistake? He'd treated her like dirt so many times before. so why was she fighting back this time?  
"Bombalurina," Tugger sighed, his voice was serious, "I love you."  
"Yeah," Bombalurina said, "you love me now. But will you love me tomorrow? In two years? Will you love me when my fur turns gray and scraggly, when I'm ugly?"  
"Bomb, stop. I love you."  
"But will you love me? How do I know that you're not going to dump me in a week. Until you know for sure, I can't throw myself out to you again. I'm done with wearing my heart on my sleeves. I'm not going to suffer over you again-I'm not coming back again. I'm ready to settle down. The only thing is. are you?"  
With that, Bombalurina began walking away. She felt like she had just killed her relationship with him forever. How would he love her now? It was silly, that she expected him to make such a commitment. He did love her. He would love her forever-why couldn't she just go with him?  
Tugger was Tugger. He played games with her-calling to her, sending her away, acting like he loved her, treating her like dirt. Could she go back to him, even if she knew that she would end up being heartbroken? Like Demeter said, she had to learn from the past.  
If he couldn't give her an answer, how could she go back to him?  
Bombalurina knew what would happen-it was like a timeline. They would get together, share a few months with happy-and-sad-but-mostly-sad moments together, they would fight a lot, Bombalurina would be unhappy but wouldn't be willing to give him up, Tugger would dump her, Bombalurina would look for positive assurance from other toms, she'd go through up to six relationships before crawling back to Tugger. It was just the way things were.  
But this time.things had to change. She was done. He'd lost his chance. He couldn't commit to her. If they settled down and made a family, she'd probably find out later on that he was cheating on her the whole time.  
Everlasting Cat, thought Bombalurina, please give me the strength to turn away from him.  
  
The next day, Bombalurina still hadn't gotten an answer from Tugger. And she really didn't think she would get one. Of course, everyone knew about what she'd said.and she was kind of happy.  
Jennyanydots and Jellylorum smiled at her when she walked by, different from their usual pitying glances and scowls.  
Bombalurina felt new, like she was going to be okay and that everything would work out-and she needed to talk to Plato.  
  
"So.you needed to talk to me.?" said Plato. They were sitting in the grove again.  
"Yeah." Bombalurina nodded, "I thought about what you said."  
"It's okay, I know you don't like me." Plato stared at the ground and murmured, "Really, just tell me. I won't be hurt. It's.well, it's happened before."  
"Plato, I.I." Bombalurina swallowed heavily, "I love you. I always have." There. She'd cut all of the ties that bind her to Tugger. She was starting a new relationship. She was going to be able to settle down. Things would work out. Maybe Plato wouldn't be the one, but things would work out for her.somehow.  
"Really?" Plato raised his eyebrows. A smile tugged at the corners of his lips.  
Bombalurina leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips.  
Plato hugged her and returned the kiss, then pulled away.  
"Bombalurina," he said, his face totally straight, his voice beckoning her to trust him, "I love you and I will love you even when your fur turns gray." 


End file.
